Well folks its Friday and there aren’t any big fights this weekend so you know what that means. That’s right!
Fantasy Fight Night Friday!
“But Mason, what is Fantasy Fight Night Friday?” You ask.
Well, it’s when we take two individuals of varying size, age, weight, and mental health status who would never have the chance to actually face each other in the octagon for whatever reason, and then discuss what would happen if they were given the opportunity!
This week’s FFNF is going to pit against each other two of the greatest martial arts figures in the history of the known universe:
Demetrious Johnson and Bruce Lee
“BUT MASON! Bruce Lee is like water! He killed Chuck Norris in that one movie I don’t even know the name of! Demetrious Johnson doesn’t stand a chance.”
Relax young man/woman/other, let’s talk about why this matchup is an interesting one and why the results may surprise the casual, less educated, and uninformed fan of martial arts. I would like to begin with breaking down the strengths that each of these gentlemen holds and where it could benefit each of them in this face off.
- Mysterious confidence unlike any other martial artist.
- Zero footage of him actually fighting anyone so there is no tape to study.
- May or may not be made of pure light with zero physical mass to weigh him down.
- Can keep constant pressure on his opponent with euphemisms about water, keeping their attention elsewhere.
- Literally zero exploitable holes in his game against opponents his size.
- Significant speed advantage.
- Not too stubborn to switch game plans when an opportunity presents itself.
- Zero chest hair to be grabbed and removed by his opponent.
While the advantage for Bruce Lee in this match up lies in his striking, his unorthodox Jeet Kune Do style leaves him open to take downs that could be pulled off by the ripest of amateur grapplers. However, Bruce will land strikes on Demetrious, but for how long?
Round 1 – The opening stare down between these gentlemen is an intense one, the round opens up quickly. Bruce Lee Sprints his way across the octagon trying to keep a higher pace on Mighty Mouse than his opponents are usually able to do. DJ Stays defensive, keeping his hands up blocking any incoming strikes that would wisp away his consciousness. Lee is throwing everything he has to finish this fight early including spinning back kicks, roundhouse kicks, flying tiger paws, and knife hand attacks. However, Demetrious Johnson refuses to be bested and pulls Little Phoenix into his Mighty clinch and grinds him through the rest of the round landing knees and elbows knowing to avoid the renowned “one inch punch”.
Round 2 – Mighty Mouse has downloaded the data, he knows Lee’s plan and is ready to respond. Bruce opens with a flying side kick across the octagon but DJ anticipates this, jumping into the air and grabbing the legend by the lead leg and dragging him to the canvas. As Bruce Lee is the bigger man in this exchange he puts up a good defensive fight on the ground, muscling his way to freedom back on his feet where he immediately begins attacking! Monkey fist after monkey fist followed by loud screams come flying in Johnsons direction as he is forced to cut angles and spend the remainder of the round avoiding a quick demise.
Round 3 – This is it, Demetrious Johnson knows the fight will end here. Lee has become winded as his opponents have usually known defeat by this time. The bell rings, Johnson sprints across the octagon to meet his adversary head on, flying through the air and attaching himself to Bruce Lee before quickly transitioning to the back where he is now sitting atop the shoulders of Lee in a maneuver later to be referred to as, “The Mouseketeer”. Bruce begins launching kicks straight up above his own head in an attempt to delay the inevitable. DJ than shifts his weight bringing both men collapsing to the canvas and sinks in one of his acclaimed arm bars. Bruce Lee is screaming! Demetrious is screaming! Joe Rogan is screaming! Matt Hume observes silently in delight…. The arm snaps and the fight is stopped, Mighty Mouse has emerged victorious….
Everybody stay calm, Obviously this piece was written purely for comedy and entertainment and was not meant to undermine or disrespect Bruce Lee in any way. It was partially written to reflect how fighting has evolved so substantially over the years and partially because I thought it could make for an interesting conversation…
Bruce Lee was and still is one of the biggest names that martial arts has ever seen. He was the first person to bring the sport into the mainstream light once his career crossed over into acting and deserves ample credit for helping combat sports make it to where they are today.
How do you think this battle would have played out?!
Would you like to see more Fantasy Fight Night Fridays?
And if so, who would you like to face off inside the Fantasy Octagon next time?!
As always, thank you for reading. Until next time,